The end of so much…..

The number 7 is a powerful number. It’s mentioned in the bible over 700 times starting with the fact that the world was made in 7 days. There are seven colors in a rainbow. There are seven Chakras. There are seven unique notes in our common musical scale, the eighth note being the octave above the first note. You can read more on this at https://www.gaia.com/article/seven-cycles-of-life 

Seven and a half years ago in March 2012 I became a mum. It’s always going to be a turning point in any woman’s life becoming a mother. You change and grow and life is never the same again. I also decided to take another huge leap at this time in my life…….

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Sleepy Isla Sept 2012

I started a business. I did this on the day Isla turned 6 months old. On 20th September 2012.

In July 2013 I became a single mum. Not ideal at the time but of course like most heartbreaking turns of events, there was a new path opening up, lessons to be learned and a journey to embark on.

With all this free time and the child free nights when she would visit Daddy, I had more time to chase my ‘working’ dream. I opened a small studio in April 2014.

By April 2015 I had outgrown it and moved to a three storey building! 

I spent four years here and my business boomed. I rebranded and upleveled each year. I hired amazing staff and made lifelong friends. There was always a new goal to achieve, or target to chase. It was one heck of a ride and I loved it. I felt so proud of all I had achieved. 

2019 so far has been a weird one though. They talk about a 7 year itch in relationships and I wonder if it’s the same in business? I know life tends to go in cycles, just like the seasons of the year, and with 7 being such a powerful number it’s no surprise that I found myself where I have this year.
I was feeling out of touch with my dreams. Well not even out of touch. It was more like, “well I have achieved all I set out to achieve…… what now”? 

So in June 2019 I made the decision to start again. 

Actually, I didn’t have a choice but to move on and start again, as The Universe/ The Divine/ God/ 7 year cycle, or whatever you want to call it, had other ideas. It felt like no matter what I did to cling on, I just couldn’t keep it together. I was falling out of alignment with this life I had worked tirelessly to build up.

I spent all summer feeling completely lost, career wise. I had no studio, no staff, no goals, no plans. I was wandering around looking at the world through these new awakened eyes and it was scary.
Suddenly all the things that I thought were important, didn’t seem that important. I couldn’t be bothered with chasing money goals as it just didn’t feel right anymore. I realised that I don’t need tons of money to be happy. In actual fact I had so little money I didn’t have a choice but to strip everything back and look at the big picture.

To me the big picture is this……

Life is short. We say it all the time. We hear it, see it, read it, but until you actually take the time to think about it, or something devastating happens to you or someone you love, then you don’t really appreciate the final and powerful statement of

‘Life. Is. Short’.

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My Dad passed away on Friday 13th September 2019, just 5 weeks and three days after his diagnosis of Acute Myeloid Leukaemia. As I write this it’s only been a week. I feel slightly numb still of course. I haven’t lived with my dad since I was 5 or so, but he has been in my life, and he is still my Dad. Over the last 7 years our relationship had grown into something I really loved. Being a ‘Pampy’ to my Isla bought us closer than ever.

He was only 63. I am 35 next month. The thought that I could be over half way through my life is a terrifying thought.
Of course you could go at any moment. No one knows when their time will come, but when a close family member, especially one that actually helped create you, dies, you fixate on their age. That suddenly seems like a deadline. 

If this is my deadline, or even sooner, then I want to live each day like it’s my last. 

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On an adventure with Isla September 2019 – Beautiful.

I am looking around me at the beauty of the world. The sun in the trees, the feeling of someone I love hugging me and me hugging them. Isla gazing up at the night sky and looking for constellations after swimming lessons, stopping in the cool crisp night after the warmth of the car and seeing her breath rise in the air and the twinkle in her eyes as she gazes skyward. I am enjoying her as she is, at this age, right now.
Enjoying everything right now actually.

I am a worrier. I do tend to worry about tomorrow even though it’s not here yet, and I know my Dad was a worrier too. He didn’t seem to let it stop him, but I know he felt that worry about things in his life.

I don’t want to worry. I want to just enjoy life for what it is right now. Roll with the ebbs and flows and show Isla that sometimes life is tough, but you can find beauty and goodness in everyday. All you have to do is look for it. 

What does this mean for my career? Well for 7 years I have done it one way, and now I am going to try something new.

I am 100% still working with families and capturing memories for them. To be honest I think I will find a new found appreciation for family portraits and be even more of an advocate for getting in on those photos yourselves.
The memories I have of my dad in my head are helped every time I see an image or watch a video of him. It truly is the way to keep the memories of those wonderful times alive. 

When not working with families, I am going to spend my time opening up my spiritual side and my creativity. I know this side of me has been begging to come out for a long time.
It’s been seeping out over the years in little things I do, the films I watch, the books I read and the people I meet.

This zen feeling of contentment with this ‘smaller’ (yet sooooo much bigger) way of life is absolute bliss. I am going to pursue this, wherever it leads me. I may not know exactly where yet or be able to put into words the path I feel myself traveling, but I know that at this time in my life, I have never felt more loved, supported and cared for, at a time where I could have felt like I had lost everything.

That mindset shift is the most powerful thing I could have done for myself and I want others to know they can achieve it too.

Life. Is. Short.

Don’t waste it on hate, resentment, greed, jealousy, despair, sadness, loneliness. Know that you are love and you are loved. You have all you need and you will always be supported and guided. 

All you have to do is ask for help. Ask friends, family, the Universe, Angels, God….. Ask, and be open to receive. 

Look at each day with a grateful heart. Realise that when people are mean, it’s about them not you. That you have the choice to feel how you want to feel, to take things to heart or to grow and be open to the fact that we are all just doing our best.
Be kind to each other. Love unconditionally and make the most of every good thing in your life, as you never know when it will be gone forever. 

This 7 year cycle has been a rollercoaster. I have changed so much and I’m sure I will transform even more in the next 7 year cycle.

For now I know its ok to be me. I don’t have to chase the same goals everyone else is chasing. I can just do me and the right clients, people, opportunities and events will find me. 

To anyone else going through a spiritual awakening (that’s definitely what’s happening to me) know that we are all in this together and I can’t wait to walk this path with you all.

Sending everyone lots of love, light and blessing and so much thanks for the amazing people that have used my services and chosen me to capture their family memories over the last 7 years. Here’s to the next 7 wherever that will take us.

Jen xxx

img_8752.jpg P.s. For anyone that has followed my blog and my journey from the beginning, in amongst all of this chaos, I have met someone. He’s pretty special. Its big and magical. It feels like divine timing and returning to something once lost many lifetimes ago. But thats a blog for another day…….

2 thoughts on “The end of so much…..

  1. Jenn I love your blogs – they are so personally written and so easy to understand and be there with you – will always be there with you ❤️❤️❤️

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