Change can be scary. Change can be hard to process. Change can be overwhelming and leave you and those around you feeling out of balance and maybe even lost.
Change happens all the time in our day to day and it’s good to keep things interesting and mix up the routine a little. But when the change has you questioning everything you thought you wanted in life…… that’s a little too much to deal with in one go.
I had the career, the staff, the studio, the clients. I had worked so hard for over 6 years to get to this level of business, investing more money than I was even making sometimes.
When you achieve a goal that you have been striving for for so long, it can feel a little confusing when you get there and think, “Oh…. What now?”
It wasn’t resonating with me as a person any more. It wasn’t working, I couldn’t put my heart and energy into it as I felt a little lost.
Don’t get me wrong. I tried. I tried for a long time and kept pushing back against that inner niggling doubt, against the signs, that now I can see so clearly, were telling me it was time for a change.
Now I sit here, at my dining room table, staring at my website and business page and wondering what I am going to do next?
I know what I want to do now, and I know what I am being called to do. But it’s scary as it’s so different to what I used to do. I am so different from what I used to be.
I have been asking myself a lot “Who am I?” That is a loaded question and it’s taken some really big thinking to figure it out.
Maybe I will never fully figure it out? Maybe I will be someone who is always changing and growing? But all I know is, I am not who I was.
I want to be free. I want to go on adventures. I want to show my daughter that its ok to be a hopeless wanderer and be a little lost, as when you are lost, you are open to all the possibilities of what could be, and that’s exciting!
The paths are all opening out in front of me and I have so many options to take.
Yes I have real world stuff like bills and money to think about, but I am lucky that my business goes with me. I am my business. I can take my business wherever I am.
All my life I have had this feeling of wanting to do more and see more but I have never felt able to do that. Maybe it was a lack of confidence, maybe I just wasn’t meant to do it until now?
Working on myself for the last few years and intensely over the last 6 months has meant I realise now that I can do, be and have anything I set my mind to.
I am a goddess who is capable of living the life she was destined for.
I want to help others. I want to inspire others. I want to use my insight and creativity to uplift and fill people with a passion to live a creative life themselves. I want people to look at my work and read my words and feel hope. I want them to see signs in my offerings as I do in so much stuff that I see lately.
The Universe is reaching out to me all the time, in so many unexpected ways, and being free from the routine and embracing this change means I am open to it all. I am taking action and doing things I never thought I would be able to do.
Finding myself comes with a price some could say. Maybe my daughter will be feeling separate from me? Maybe? But maybe she will choose to see her mum as a strong fierce independent woman who can achieve anything she sets her mind to?
I want her to be wild. I don’t want her to be bogged down by what others think you should be doing. I want her to see that she has everything she needs to be able to live an amazing life.
I can show her all of this by setting an example and doing all of these things myself. I am fierce and independent. I choose adventure and travel over a 9-5. I choose creativity and like minded souls over stagnant energy and people.
I am free flowing and open to all the wonderful possibilities that lay before me and I will support my daughter to do the same.
There is some work to do on my finances but I honestly feel that the lessons learnt from getting where I am today are so profound that as soon as a plan is in place to fix it, I will fly.
The weight and chains holding me down in this current situation will be broken and I can leave it behind knowing the plan is in place and it’s all taken care of.
I can throw myself into sharing my light, art, words, inspiration and finding more members of my soul tribe.
This summer I am going to adventure more. I am going to spend time in nature and travel to places I have never been. I can do this with my girly and on my own with friends. Together we can all fly free.
This change had to happen. All my life has been leading up to this moment. This way of life. All the lessons I have learnt and the things that have happened for me, are just that, for me to take away the lessons and share them with the world. I don’t know how yet. But I know I will.
Here’s to the new world. Free from restrictions, limiting beliefs and being stuck. To a world full of wonder, travel, adventure, love, happiness, light and possibilities.
All the love