So lately I have felt completely and utterly SHIT! (Sorry for the shouty swearing but needs must.)
It has felt like for the last 5/6 months I have been trying to swim upstream, after a flash flood, where there is 10 tons more water than normal and I also seem to have forgotten how to swim…… it’s been testing to say the least.
There have been tears, breakdowns, meltdowns and that’s not just from me.
As a business owner and entrepreneur I know lots of other like minded people in the same boat. Over the last month as I have been at the height of my exhaustion, I have opened up to them and you know what…… they have been feeling the same, and it’s so nice to know we are not alone.
You see these people running their businesses on social media, you like their posts every now and again and maybe even feel jealous that they have it all together. But what I want to remind myself and you if you are reading this, is that behind the social media rose coloured glasses, or the face we have to put on for our business, it may not be a peachy as it seems.
It takes a lot of grit and determination to run your own business and I also think it takes someone who possibly needs their head checked? As why would we do this to ourselves?
Why would we go months without a wage? Why would we build up enough debt to keep us awake at night and even worse, keep us paying it off for potentially the rest of our lives with no pension savings too! Why do we work all day and then late into the night or early hours of the morning? Why do we forget to stop and feed ourselves? Why do we put ourselves last in the pecking order?
Well I can tell you why I have done all of those things for the last 6 and a half years.
Because I love my job.
I work all hours, as I can’t rest when I have an idea I need to get out. I forget to eat as I am so caught up in creating something that lights me up. I haven’t paid myself or my debts or towards any pension currently…. But you know what? I will!
I have paid off credit cards before. I have paid off loans before. Yes right now I have had to get more credit to keep me afloat, but that’s just for now.
I am far too stubborn to give up.
In my business I have had to start looking after myself more though. This doesn’t come naturally to me (or for many people I’m sure) and so I made the decision last month to let two of my staff members go.
It was horrible and heartbreaking and I honestly saw a future with them in it. But if I had carried on, I wouldn’t have a business in the future anyway, let alone three staff members.
They of course understood and still support me and my journey which is more than I could have asked for. I will miss them both terribly.
One thing that I was battling with during this time was feeling like I failed.
When you have vision boards and journals showing you this future you are going to get (through manifestation and hard work) it’s tough to walk away from it.
But I had to walk away.
Everything happens for a reason and sometimes what we think we want isn’t in alignment with what will serve us best. I held on kicking and screaming and in turn held up the natural flow of my journey because I didn’t want to ‘fail’.
But I didn’t fail. I tried.
If I hadn’t of tried, I would always wonder.
It worked until it didn’t and that’s ok.
The girls I let go are on their path too. I believe now that this will open new doors for them towards things they didn’t think about, just as it will for me.
Surrendering to the journey is how I have got to this point. The point of being able to write this post and share my feelings with you all.
I know that there are people who will read this who will NEED to read this. That my words will make their way to the right people and it will inspire and encourage them to surrender to their highest good too.
To my business buddy friends who are struggling – you know who you are – we can do this!! We didn’t get this far by giving up, but remember to be free flowing on this journey.
Don’t dig your heels in when something needs to give, as it may just be you and your actions. Take time out of your business, your life and your thoughts to meditate, relax and have some ‘you’ time.
We are all more aligned when we stop and breathe.
Listen to the inner guidance that comes through. Are you resisting what you need to do?
Trust that the Universe has your back and all will be as it’s meant to be.
Sending you all love and light and I truly believe that this message will find the right people. If that’s you. Chin up. You are not alone. Feel free to reach out and I wish you all the best on your journey.
Let’s agree to just let go and enjoy the ride.